The energy and alignment and connection that we now derive in this working from home separation is not what we are used to. Whilst we are still talking and ‘web-seeing’ friends, family, colleagues and clients, the type and rate and quality of connection is different from what was our ‘normal’ everyday commute, connect, meet and talk.
With your schedule now full of webinars, video-meets, calls and likely an increased volume of emails, texts, WhatsApp and app platform messages, or perhaps even longer periods of silence than we are used to, the volume seems great but the nature of the connection and feedback garnered is of a different frequency, to which we need to retune.
To differing extents, you derive important connection-enhancing, energy-lifting information from your human interactions and, whilst you, hopefully, remain connected (and perhaps, by volume, more than before), there is a distinct difference which can leave gaps, of which you may initially have not been aware.
Are you missing your regulators, those cues and that body language that enable you to adjust your responses and the gestures that convey feedback? How many of the five sub-categories of non-verbal communication are you aware of being severely reduced in your virtual world?
I have observed the answer is three.
Kinesics (body movement) can still be acknowledged and read to some degree but is hugely reduced. Haptics (touch) and Proxemics (our use of personal space) are hugely important parts of human interaction which we are currently living without in so many relationships.
For instance, with proxemics, we are missing all the clues and triggers that we get from in-person human interaction. It is the study of human personal space and the degree of separation we leave between each other to communicate, how we use space to convey emotions or thoughts. It is a phrase coined by Edward T. Hall in 1963 and is a hidden component of human interaction, particularly more deeply hidden when communicating by virtual means. As a simple example, how close are we standing or sitting together often sets a tone for our relationship and ensuing communication.
Until now I had not noticed the extent of the importance to me of what happens when in-person, how much I utilise kinesics and proxemics! When I am coaching or facilitating or speaking at events, my mind feasts on the plethora of verbal and non-verbal cues, hints and influences: handshakes, high-fives, smiles, laughter, nodding, head and body movements. So many of these are gone in our current virtual world.
Take a moment to reflect on how you observe, interpret, and adapt when you pick up these non-verbal communications. The accumulation of these clues informs our next dialogue and approach, providing confirmation; acknowledgement; recognition; approval; gratitude and affirmation.
Over the last few weeks, I have participated and hosted many webinars and web-gatherings, both with client groups I know less about and with close friends and family. In both cases I notice the lower frequency with which the former ‘loud’ clues are being transmitted.
I need feedback, you need feedback! We all need interaction and communication! We are becoming desensitised to this lower volume feedback world and it is not going to change anytime soon - we’re in this feedback-paucity state for the long run. The change starts with you and me.
So what can we do?
As a start, all the web-meeting apps have features that you and I need to get using and show the way for our friends and colleagues. (and perhaps more than ever the good old ‘Like’ button has found its moment to be extra relevant now).
Set an intention to increase your feedback and add to the communication loops in the virtual world. For instance…
- More pronounced movement when on screen (your nod, smile and hand gestures)
- Vocalise more thoughts and add to or concur when others make a comment
- Be conscious of others not being able to pick up on clues (see above vocalisation)
- Change the way you do things – rather than just “zoom” sat in the same place or with virtual backgrounds – move things around. Don’t become a semi-static image!
- Show gratitude and agreement, leave some written feedback, use the chat box
- Consider what we can learn from those who have been doing this longer? How can your professional or personal meetings be brought to life?
Pre-isolation we would never have considered using such methods, as we were likely to see our colleagues a short while later, IN PERSON!
Reflect on what you are missing and/or need and be the change you’d like to see. Givers gain, it starts with you and me.
Thank you for reading this, I thrive on seeing the clicks.
Keep it (your connection and feedback) simple.
Simon