I’ve caught myself using ‘absolutely’ many times as an expression of agreement to the person with whom I am in dialogue. Whilst the use of the word served its purpose it alerted me to my own absolution, what it leads to and other ways absolute language is used.
Absolute implies conclusion, the end, no more discussion, complete. Any absolute expression eliminates further creative thought and closes off wiggle room or increases the resistance to change or alteration. I have observed, for instance, the impact of absolute terminology on team meetings - Whilst it can be useful for decisions and progress, overuse leads to reduced creativity and involvement (both with colleagues and, more insidiously, in your own mind!). Using such phrases limits our willingness to be open to and can restrict our thinking. When others hear them they may feel abrasive or judged or simply closed down.
What absolute terms show up in your language? Are you using never; always; every; cannot; won’t; all the time? Do you hear yourself saying “I always..” “I never…”
The words you use make up a significant element of the impact you have on others, on what you cause. But in this simple note I specifically want to alert you to the effect they have on you, on the thoughts that follow (or rather, don’t). Changing language within our heads, and what you semi-consciously hear yourself saying, is our first stage to changing how we feel and the language we subsequently use.
Today begin to tune in to your use of absolute expressions and continue over the next week to heighten your awareness.
When times are challenging, overwhelming, confused or complicated there may be an increased likelihood that absolutes show up in your lexicon, perhaps as an unconscious defence. But it is in those moments that a softening of your descriptive language could liberate your thinking, keep you more open to new ideas, reduce resistance and tension and facilitate your ability to breathe and accept the current situation more effectively. And observe how the softer, more open phrases boost your confidence too.
Whilst it can become an inner quest for you to find THE answer, to know THE way, to make THE decision, absoluting too much or too soon is diminishing your impact and your power. There is, as the saying goes, more than one way to crack an egg!
Soften your language and monitor how it feels and where your thinking feels liberated to travel thereafter. Find your balance point, stay in exploration longer than perhaps you otherwise might, and become artfully vague!
Perhaps; possibly; may; can be; options; maybe; what if; switching ‘THE’ to ‘A’ or ‘AN’; and my personal favourite (because of its masked double meaning) ‘might’, which seamlessly leads to the expanding exploration … what else?
In tandem with this Simple Note, you may find it worthwhile to also read one of my previous Notes, ‘How much Do You No?’ to explore your impact of using the word ‘No’.
The things on which you are absolute nail you to your cause, are you absolutely sure it’s the cause about which you are absolute?!
And my caveat to never speaking in absolute terms, about which I am absolutely sure – is in describing how wonderful or amazing things are!
To your absolution…
Simon