The world (us) has a dangerous tendency to over-react.
One of the greatest skills I have been taught during my coach learning and observed in people I have met who have immense impact is their ability to practice ‘Responding’ in place of ‘Reacting’.
In the simplest of terms, it is the confident ability to apply the briefest of pause after anything is said, done or observed, i.e. avoiding getting hooked!
Actions do not need to provoke reactions.
Your reaction habits may be deeply ingrained and habitual. Consider the last 7 days and the situations and instances when you were triggered – perhaps by something in the news, or the behaviour of a colleague or encountering a frustrating situation. What happened to you? Did you immediately blurt out a statement? Did you experience tension in your neck, stomach, jaw or fists?
These are your reactions and it is highly likely they are, to some degree, predictable. Specific types of trigger will lead to pattern reactions.
In almost all cases these reactions are unhelpful, to the situation, to the people you are with and, most significantly to you, and your reaction will not alleviate the tension provoked by the trigger, your reaction habit has just further ingrained.
You will carry that reaction into the next moment: Your mood shifts, your attitude has become adversely affected by your reactions, NOT whatever the trigger was. You get a choice, even in the most aggravating and challenging of trigger situations.
Now, this is even more emphasised by our communication channels - with access to text, instant messaging, twitter etc we have a plethora of channels through which our reaction can be vented and reach the world, triggering ripples and waves of more reactions.
You can be the change in how you respond rather than react.
As you become more practiced at installing the pause, your response takes shape:
What does this trigger in me?
What are my response choices here?
What absolutely needs to be said?
Could I let this go?
What do I really want?
And in noticing your physical reactions, exercise the choice to relax (I find the acronym BUDS helpful here – Breathe – Unclench my jaw – Drop my shoulders – Smile). Those few seconds of quiet consideration provide time for you to work through all this and select your response. Maintaining your purposeful attitude and enhancing the impact you have on others.
The more of us who can find the strength and confidence to pause and respond the better things will be and the damage caused by the crashing waves of reaction could relent.
Keep it simple.