Reading time: 2 – 2 minutes
The busier you get the less notice you may pay to those around you, in your team or family and the information upon which they will thrive is no longer sent by you.
I was ‘gifted’ this experience again recently when my daughter gave me some feedback, that I was often blunt and clipped in my responses to her. I winced, and took the message to heart!
It is not often you will actually receive such feedback as the other party may not mention the point. So the job of this Simple Note is to bring your attention back to the connection with those with whom you interact.
Your team, family or friends are frequently in need of a unique combination of the following four messages from you:
- How am I doing? – are they making progress, what results have they achieved (tangible or not), and challenge them to do more.
- Do you agree and support me? – be positive and upbeat about your connection with them and what they do, let them speak (they need to get their thinking ‘out there’ in order to move on), and affirm them.
- Am I valued? – praise the quality or action (rather than the person), link importance to their work, and appreciate them.
- Is this right? – confirm expectations, guidelines, or rules and provide objective information, simple, clear, unambiguous, remove the rest.
When people are in short supply of these or the message you deliver is not actually what they want in one of these areas, they may unconsciously begin to act differently. Some may become bullish or manipulative or retreating into their shells or repeatedly giving in to arguments. Avoid responding to the less productive changed state and go back to the list of four.
My daughter specifically needed the third type and my short responses were leaving her uncertain and insecure, not my intention at all and easy to remedy.
Good luck, notice more, keep it simple and take inspired action.
Simon