Simon Tyler

As you make your way through life and encounter tough times, difficult choices, elders may often remind you that ‘things are sent to try us’. In many ways they were masterful at carrying these trials and suffering with them, for years, even for lifetimes. But we are in different times now, exploring and expanding your potential is your right and your journey.

I notice the distinction between people who are tolerating stuff and those that do not. There is an amazing difference, in what they achieve and how much they seem able to enjoy themselves.

Consider times in your career when you have moved fastest, achieved more, made connections with little effort. Compare that to the times when it’s hard work, you’re grinding your teeth in frustration, what you need seems always out of reach.

There is a link between these two states and the amount that you are ‘putting up’ with. Right now what are you tolerating or suffering or just plain fed up with?

You have two choices:

• Change It
• Change your attitude to it

The third choice, and the one most people unconsciously take is the “put up with it” option – this is not a choice; it doesn’t work, you cannot and do not actually put it anywhere, not least ‘up’. It will almost immediately have a mental, physical and emotional impact on your potential and your power.

Carry too much of these and you may become irritable, find it difficult to relax, to concentrate, begrudge certain tasks, and complete them less than brilliantly. Add time to this and it’s simply not a good place.

A great coaching approach that has worked for me here and one that I work on with clients from time to time is Thomas Leonard’s Toleration Free Programme. A focused way of zapping the irritators. Sometimes though we find ourselves in situations where a bigger decision is required.

I have experienced this again recently and hence am driven to remind you now. When the thing you have been putting up with won’t stay up on its own anymore, the choice remains; Change It or Change Your Attitude.

Change It – actual change it, engage in thoughts and conversation about options, let go of it, step away and release it. You will learn more from letting go than trying to solve these conundrums. The movement of energy and the vacuum you create will be filled with new people, opportunities and challenges.

If you’re not ready for change yet, then you’re option is to Change Your Attitude – not flippantly, not a barrage of unconvincing self talk. No, a real attitude shift (sometimes best to work with a colleague or coach on this one). What are the good things about the situation, what are you giving, what are you getting, what are you learning, what more is there to learn, how could this be the most powerful experience for you?

Good luck, move on from that which slows you down. You were born to do great things, move towards them, please.

As poet and civil rights activist Maya Angelou once said:

“If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”

And I’ll talk about complaining another time!

Good luck and keep me informed.